Ali George

Ali George

Ali George is a fragrant young person with willowy elbows and ebullient ankles that occasionally get her into trouble with passing Victorians. As a recent graduate in a terrible recession, she endeavours to make herself useful by spending her days teaching young offenders skills to enable them to contribute more than thoughtless stabbings to society – knitting, jam making, cartography and so on. One day she would like to write or draw pictures with speech bubbles on for a living, but seeing as these are the wispy dreams of a ttl n00b she’ll most likely be an embittered civil servant instead.

Articles by Ali George

The tears they shed are real

Election porn-a-likes. They're everywhere. They're a plague that's sweeping our streets like a quick-growing venereal moss. We’ve all seen the STV report on the Paisley-based Chippendales who all look like the Green Party’s Robin Harper. You can barely walk down a seedy alleyway in any of Scotland’s major cities without seeing a Charles Kennedy impersonator. And Argyll’s most infamous export, Mhairi McMudgeon II, earns up to £3000 a night by pretending to be Labour MP Ann McKechin.

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Ashtag

A few minutes ago, Scotland declared war on Iceland, The Chutney Exhibition can exclusively reveal. Ordinarily we don’t waste our time on news reporting, but this seemed like too good an opportunity to waste.

"What have Iceland ever done for the world," asked the campaign leader, the now-famous 'I hate Iceland' guy (27) off Sky News. “In all seriousness, what have they done?

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Carefree youth, whither hast thou gone?

The thing I don’t get about paedophiles is how they can fancy children.

Think about what you find attractive about a potential partner for half a minute. It might be their dazzling smile, their sparkling eyes, their effervescent wit and engaging personality, their sheer hotness and amazing rack, the fact that you share interests or aspirations… Different people like different stuff, I get that.

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